It Is Spring, It Is Not, It Is Good

This post was to go out a couple of weeks ago.  Bummer.

I thought I would hold off before I stood up on a chair and belt out a song and a yawp of joy … Spring has been elusive, winter waiting until our guard was down, believing that Spring was bully here … and then rushing in like fierce snow birds, snow bunnies, snow squirrels.  Now, I think that the snow is over, for the year.  True, anything can happen.  Snow in June?? Not yet.  The injustice, here, is that Spring has almost flown the coop; slipped out the back, Jack; gone for the year … We may have a little  Spring left.   Those seasons, they keep changing. Such a simple statement, with profound implications.  Our seasons in our lives, they look different for all of us.   Me … I belief that I am in a season where I’m breaking through barriers of resistance.  It is one thing to decide that it is your / my season … to break through barriers; and an entirely different matter to do it.  This idea (you have already heard about)  that sometimes the places we are at in life, struggling with certain issues, difficulties, offer us something, like a “pay-off”, and because of that we choose to stay, to linger, in these places.  Those places might be in a desolate canyon with very few trees.  Or, anxiety is dominant, or we wear depression like a heavy wool topcoat.  And some might say that we struggle to move on, to move out, of those places … because we find some paradoxical comfort there.  Maybe it is “the known”, versus “the unknown”.  My final thought is this.  For us to break through the barriers of a difficult season: we need a blend of specific, trustworthy, wise, supportive, and sensitive  sojourners to walk with us; and we also need to embrace the reality that we must have some time to “sit in” a desert place of pain, to think through the process, the motives for wanting to leave what is familiar, and the implications of stepping into (again) the unknown.  Peace be with you, sojourning bloggers.  And, keep writing.

How Do I Get There?

“This is where I am trying to get to … right here, on this map.”

“(Man studies the map) Hmmm …  No.  No, you can’t get there from here.”

“Why do you say I can’t get there, from here.”

“Why? Because you’re not moving.  You have to move, to get there.  Don’t just sit there, or stand there.  You have to move.”


“Moving” is a big deal.  There is a time to move, there is a time to wait.   Impulsivity can drive movement; vision can drive movement; passion can drive movement; wisdom can drive movement; foolishness can drive movement; panic can drive movement; and confidence can drive movement.  There may be a risk involved.

For some men, redemptive movement towards an authentic, honorable, intimacy is terrifying.  Men desire to be known.  Men fear being known.   Isolation is appealing to some men.  To move … might result in being known, being seen, being heard, being “found out”; thus, being rejected, being ridiculed, being betrayed, being misquoted.  One word, or concept, that comes to mind is …


Momentum is about movement; not only movement, but movement in a specific direction, usually with a specific purpose.  And MOMENTUM connects with Newton’s Law of Inertia:

During my time of working in the field of addictions, I learned about good momentum, and not-so-good momentum.  The heroin addict is never satisfied, unless he changes the momentum from using heroin to pursuing sobriety with passion, intentionality, with vision, for a reason.  Same for the workaholic.  Same for a man, or a woman, addicted to relationships / sex / codependent relationships / pornography.    When I think of Newton’s Law of Inertia, I think of a downhill snow skier.

All it takes is a shift in body weight, at the top of the ski run, and off her or she goes.  No motor, no sail.  Just skier and mountain.  Without an external force, the skier will continue, and it could get dangerous.  But when the surface levels out, or when the skier shifts his or her weight, or when he or she falls, or runs into something or someone, momentum is interrupted.

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I’ve lost almost 300 games.  26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed.”  Michael Jordan

Lastly, I join with those sojourners, those bloggers, who have experienced pain and suffering and anguish and depression … to the point that choosing to move is more difficult (for them and for me) than it is for  others.  Let’s do courage.  Let’s move, and let it be good movement, with vision, with passion, with hope. blog/tag/illustration/
Gandalf /


Relationships, Reality & Redemption

What do I know to be true?  Know yourself, and I will know myself, and if I come up short in that area, then … then … What?  Then what?  Oh, my!  Maybe the earth will rip off its axis and hurl into the sun!!!!

No, I doubt that will happen.  Here’s one truth about me: I am able.  I am able to do both good, and not-so-good.  I am able to empower (good).  I am able to enable (bummer, not-so-good).  I’ve walked with many folks over the last 20 years in the counseling context.  And in the realm of addictions, I have encountered the “enabling” dynamic a great deal.  And, if an individual is an “enabler”, that does not mean … that their heart is not good.  In fact, with every enabler I have sat with, there has always been a good heart.  We, with our good hearts, are able to miss the bigger picture, to mess up the smaller picture.  And we, with our good hearts, are able to walk with a soul and inspire, without many words.  We, with our good hearts, are able to run races with specific individuals who have come into our world who want to run well, with love in their hearts … a healthy love, an empowering love, a fragrant love, a tough love, a tough love not without honor, a tough love not without integrity, a tough love not without gentleness.

I am able.  I am able to go after myself with rocks and razored insults; rage and disgust.  There is a fancy word for it, I think: “self-contempt”.  Truly, I am not exempt from self-contempt.  And, truly, there is no exemption from redemption.

And, to use the title of one of my favorite films, “When a Man Loves a Woman”, there is an indescribably intense piece of fighting with honor and love and fairness and staying in the place of a safe place.  Not fighting with physical warfare.  Not fighting with psychological abuse; or verbal abuse; or emotional abuse.  No … this is a fighting where, at the core, is a deep authentic love for the other; caring for the other; and choosing to not let the other “off the hook” … because that is the last thing we need, to escape the responsibility of loving well and “doing relationship” well.

And that is all I’m going to say about that, for now.

Philomena! Philomena!

Movie poster, Philomena
Movie poster, Philomena

Judi Tench: amazing.  Judi Tench plays the role of Philomena.  It is one thing to read a book, or watch a movie, and walk away with “Yeah, I liked it.”  It is another thing entirely when you watch an excellent movie, and find out at the very end that … this is a true story.  It makes to you, I hope, that as I am writing this, I will avoid giving any information away that could possibly spoil this movie, for those of you who have not yet seen the movie.  As for Steve Coogan, I really cannot imagine a better actor for that part.

So, here are some themes, words, that may encourage you to see this move:

  • Injustice, exposed;
  • Portrait of a courageous woman with priceless inner strength and profound resilience;
  • Redemptive change;
  • Disruption that will bring out the bewilderment in you … the bewilderment about how this injustice could happen;
  • Beauty in a great woman’s character;
  • Hope.

This movie will be worth your while, unless you only watch the “action / adventure” movies (Bruce Willis / Die Hard … Do you know what I mean?)