There is a quiet place, a secret place, that is yours for restoration. There is a realness in the stillness. Go there, when you can; when you need to. It's safe. For me, it is the Other Side of the Trees.
April, I walked into the trees, climbed up on a rock, belted out a song and a high spirited howl of joy. Spring was (cautiously) emerging! Winter was waiting in the wings until our guard was down.
By May, winter left town. Summer came too soon, pushing spring out. An injustice, Spring had flown the coop, way too early. Seasons can be harsh, unfair, fickle. Indeed, spring had slipped out the back, Jack. In the “here-and-now”, leaves are turning their colors, gradually gliding downward. A one-time dusting of snow came, September. Other than that, we are holding on to fall as long as we can. I am in another season: I am pushing through a few barriers of resistance. Any of us, at any given time, may find ourselves in such a place; our awareness tells us that change is important; but the change is delayed.
The delay comes out of our reluctance to change; the reluctance comes because there is a “pay-off”. We are getting something we want from that which needs to change. To break through the barriers of a difficult season: I need a blend of specific, trustworthy, wise, supportive, and sensitive individuals to walk with; and I need some time to “sit in” a desert place of pain, to think through the process, the motives for wanting to leave what is familiar, and the implications of stepping into (again) the unknown. What will change look like? Peace be with you, sojourning bloggers. Keep writing.
I’ve been in a forest. A metaphorical, thick, forest; trees so tall. A forest where some of you have been. Moonlight struggles to get through the overlapping, entangled, limbs and boughs. The sun does not always waste it’s time on a wounded, weathered, soul, in an unforgiving wood. Perception can be mutinous.
“Why have I spent time in that forest?”
“Because it’s where I am supposed to be.”
Mutinous perception. More accurately, a lie. It’s not where I belong. Hmmm … I must remember that. “Where am I supposed to be?” Maybe we know where we are supposed to be. Or, not. Maybe it is more about vision; honorable longings; redemptive passion. To follow, and walk out, the vision. To release that which is good, the passion that speaks of who we are.
This post was to go out a couple of weeks ago. Bummer.
I thought I would hold off before I stood up on a chair and belt out a song and a yawp of joy … Spring has been elusive, winter waiting until our guard was down, believing that Spring was bully here … and then rushing in like fierce snow birds, snow bunnies, snow squirrels. Now, I think that the snow is over, for the year. True, anything can happen. Snow in June?? Not yet. The injustice, here, is that Spring has almost flown the coop; slipped out the back, Jack; gone for the year … We may have a little Spring left. Those seasons, they keep changing. Such a simple statement, with profound implications. Our seasons in our lives, they look different for all of us. Me … I belief that I am in a season where I’m breaking through barriers of resistance. It is one thing to decide that it is your / my season … to break through barriers; and an entirely different matter to do it. This idea (you have already heard about) that sometimes the places we are at in life, struggling with certain issues, difficulties, offer us something, like a “pay-off”, and because of that we choose to stay, to linger, in these places. Those places might be in a desolate canyon with very few trees. Or, anxiety is dominant, or we wear depression like a heavy wool topcoat. And some might say that we struggle to move on, to move out, of those places … because we find some paradoxical comfort there. Maybe it is “the known”, versus “the unknown”. My final thought is this. For us to break through the barriers of a difficult season: we need a blend of specific, trustworthy, wise, supportive, and sensitive sojourners to walk with us; and we also need to embrace the reality that we must have some time to “sit in” a desert place of pain, to think through the process, the motives for wanting to leave what is familiar, and the implications of stepping into (again) the unknown. Peace be with you, sojourning bloggers. And, keep writing.
Okay, Mr … “Wilder Man?” … Is that right? You are Mr. Wilder Man?
Yes, although the “Mr.” is not used very often. Call me whatever is most comfortable for you. Some call me “Thor”, because is short, easy to spell, easy to pronounce. And, as you can see, I look like Thor. By the way, do you mind if I put my hammer on the table?
I see … (clears throat) So, this interview panel will call you … “Thor”. Let’s get started, Mr. Thor.
Mr. Thor, the position you are applying for is Regional Manger Front Range Territory. Some of your responsibilities will be to develop the relationships we already have with our buyers, business owners, quality control people, key networkers, etc. Tell us something about yourself that suggests your experience, your success in this area.
I’ve been wired for this type of thing for as long as I can remember. (I stand up) This is my purpose for living! (I have raised my voice and I have fire in my eyes) This is what I was created for! As William Wallace once said “You can take our lives! But you CAN’T … TAKE … OUR … FREEDOM!!
(Interview panel spokesperson clears throat) Ummm, Mr. Thor, please sit back down, and try to keep your voice just a little lower. Thank you. Now let’s move on the next question. Mr. Thor, where do you see yourself in five years?
Great question. In five years, I want to have moved beyond the position I am being hired for, into a place in the company where I am making more money than anyone else; and I can work whenever I want to, and I can do whatever I want to. I want to be your boss.
Hmmmmm. Well, that certainly is ambitious. Could you tell us something about why you would say that, Mr. Thor?
Simple. It is what I am good at. We thrive on what we are good at.
Well, Mr. Thor, we do need to break for lunch. When we come back, the panel will let you know if we need to continue the interview. We may have everything we need. Any other comments before we take a break, Mr. Thor?
Yes, there is one thing. AfterI am hired, I would like for you to consider hiring my little brother, as I need to keep an eye on him. He is a good kid, really (I am stretching the truth, here) … He gets frustrated, but I can usually calm him down. You might want to jot his hame …. Loki.
No, no. No-no-no-no-no-no. You are where you are at, and I am where I am at. And believe me: I wouldn’t want to be where you are at.
How’s the view up there? Up above guys like me who don’t have it together like you?
(Pause) What are you were asking me? And, I’m kind of in a hurry, okay? So, tell me what you need, and I will try to help.
I was asking you … how we … “I” … arrived here, at this place.
Our relationship? Fading. I have become isolated. My addictions, like work; like books; like fast food. And, life – – – I do not enjoy life as much. That’s a picture of what I am talking about.
Okay. (Pause) I have to get going, need to be somewhere. Take care of yourself.
You asked me about “this place” I am in, I told you, and I thought we were going to talk about it. But, you … are just leaving, now.
(Pause) I am sorry about your confusion. I can’t help you. I don’t do well with others’ shame. I don’t do well with addictions. Your isolation is something you have chosen; your relationships evaporating didn’t suddenly happen. It’s been in the works for a while. And your enjoyment of life? Not happening? I don’t want to have anything to do … with that. (Pause) On top of all that, you wouldn’t even hear what I have to say.
Why would I not want to hear what you have to say?
Because you are right where you want to be. And if you are right were you want to be, why talk about how you arrived at this place? If you wanted to change all that, you would. But, there is no change.
(Pause with some hesitation) Uhhhh, maybe.
You’ve got me all wrong.
‘Doesn’t matter. This is your party, not mine.
The dialog, above, is like a metaphor, representing some of the relational pain / disappointment that happens … on some level … in the human soul. Our hearts, our minds … bring about different dynamics of expectations (realistic and / or unrealistic), an arcane blend of intimacy (healthy and / or unhealthy, whether it be physical or emotional or both). The relationship and dialog happening up above is somewhat of a composite derived from my years working as a psychotherapist with married folks. Lastly, the nuances / verbal clues accentuate the factors / themes we deal with in our society, and our relationships:
“I don’t have the time to have this conversation …”
“Don’t blame me for you problems …”
“I don’t have any compassion for you, now …”
True, this is a rather cold exchange happening between two people. My hope is that one can see their thankfulness for being able to transcend such unhappiness, such insensitivity. We all need help, at different times, and in different ways. Here is a truth that is disruptive to many, and this truth applies to the “composite” dialog at the beginning of this post: