Tarzan is not Real


I saw him, running in the jungle.  I heard him: he belted out a prolific call, flying all over the jungle.  The animals, apparently, took note.  “When Tarzan calls, the Wild Kingdom listens.”  When Tarzan would step off a limb of a high tree, his hands gripped on to a rope-vine, and then swing through the trees … it was one of the most amazing things I have ever seen.  When I was a kid, I climbed trees quite a bit.  But I never, not once, came across a rope-vine!  To this day, I am so disappointed that I didn’t get to swing in the trees.  At some point, I became aware of other responsibilities / cool things beyond climbing trees.  Girls, I realized, were good looking, and they did catch my eye.  I appreciated Tarzan because he had a good-looking babe with him most of the time.  Jane.  That was her first name.  I guess her last name would have been “Tarzan”, yeah?   (Image from http://old.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/review/5308)

With Jane and Tarzan living in the jungle, limited income, Jane didn’t have any money to spend on clothes, and that explained the clothes that did not do a thorough job of keeping her warm.   I never went out with any girls that were dressed like Jane.  If I did, my parents would have found out about it and I would have been in some serious trouble. At some point, I found out that Tarzan is not real.  Tarzan was an alias for a gentleman by the name of Johnny Weissmuller.  Here’s a thought:  Does this look like Tarzan?  Sharp looking guy (below), I must admit. But, with all due respect, Mr. Weissmuller, you are definitelynot … Tarzan. Life can be a jungle.  And in this jungle, there is no Tarzan.  There are no rope-vines to swing on, from tree to tree.  I’ve seen some beautiful women, and I am married to one of them.  But there is  no Jane.  And finally, I’m okay with it.


Interview (Satire) With A Wilder Man

Okay, Mr … “Wilder Man?” … Is that right?  You are Mr. Wilder Man?

Thor, with hammer / http://scinetific.nl/

Yes, although the “Mr.” is not used very often.  Call me whatever is most comfortable for you.  Some call me “Thor”, because is short, easy to spell, easy to pronounce.  And, as you can see, I look like Thor.  By the way, do you mind if I put my hammer on the table?  

I see … (clears throat) So, this interview panel will call you … “Thor”.  Let’s get started, Mr. Thor.  


Mr. Thor, the position you are applying for is Regional Manger Front Range Territory.  Some of your responsibilities will be to develop the relationships we already have with our buyers, business owners, quality control people, key networkers, etc.   Tell us something about yourself that suggests your experience, your success in this area.

I’ve been wired for this type of thing for as long as I can remember.  (I stand up) This is my purpose for living! (I have raised my voice and I have fire in my eyes) This is what I was created for! As William Wallace once said “You can take our lives!  But you CAN’T … TAKE … OUR … FREEDOM!!

(Interview panel spokesperson clears throat) Ummm, Mr. Thor, please sit back down, and try to keep your voice just a little lower.  Thank you.  Now let’s move on the next question.  Mr. Thor, where do you see yourself in five years?

Great question.  In five years, I want to have moved beyond the position I am being hired for, into a place in the company where I am making more money than anyone else; and I can work whenever I want to,  and I can do whatever I want to.  I want to be your boss.

Hmmmmm.  Well, that certainly is ambitious.  Could you tell us something about why you would say that, Mr. Thor?

Simple.  It is what I am good at.  We thrive on what we are good at.

Well, Mr. Thor, we do need to break for lunch.  When we come back, the panel will let you know if we need to continue the interview.  We may have everything we need.  Any other comments before we take a break, Mr. Thor?


Yes, there is one thing.  AfterI am hired, I would like for you to consider hiring my little brother, as I need to keep an eye on him.  He is a good kid, really (I am stretching the truth, here) … He gets frustrated, but I can usually calm him down.  You might want to jot his hame …. Loki.

Disorientation, or Foolishness, for Fun

Complex …

our world is, eh?  Sometimes, a tad bit too serious.  We need … something … that is way outside the box that is not going to be harmful, but helpful, to bring a measure of humor.  I found this piece on YouTube, the TED talks: truly, a different piece of humor, medicinal foolishness, and an undeniable ingredient of brilliance.  I hope you enjoy.  This gentleman, Reggie Watts, opens up with a series of words and sentences in Spanish; he switches over to French; he then switches over to English with a British accent … and, well, I do believe it is worth watching.  At the very least, it is a reminder to smile, and to see that the world we live in will always have a mystery of nonsense.




Do I Ask Too Much From DOG?

Dog, we get along fairly well.  I feed her; I give her water; I rub behind her ears and her back.  I allow her to come to town with us.  She deeply appreciates getting away. Really, I don’t think I ask for too much.  I’ve told her: “Stay off the couch.”  Sometimes, she pretends to be asleep; pretends not to hear. 

photo (14)

So, I remind her: “Stay off the couch.”

photo (15)

Again: STAY  … OFF … THE … Couch.  This time, she hears me.

Do I ask too much from Dog?

Santa Tracker’s Unexpected Phone Call



The story is all over the net.  I simply wanted to express my a) appreciation for this story, and b) desire to see this story passed on through the generations.  One man made a choice to think beyond himself, beyond his world, and to respond with a prolific, uncommon, creative, action.  Here is an oversimplified glimpse of the Santa Tracker, with hopes that you will check out one of the two links below.

NORAD http://galleryhip.com/norad-santa-tracker-logo.html

NORAD is the Continental Air Defense Command, now known as NORAD, inside Cheyenne Mountain, in Colorado Springs, CO.  One night, in 1955, a call came in on a red phone at NORAD, a number known only by two people: a four-star general in the Pentagon, and the U.S. Air Force colonel who had that red phone on his desk.  The caller was a child, who asked “Is this Santa Claus?”   

How the U.S. Air Force colonel responded is … quite profound.  So, here are two links to choose from:

  1. Written version … http://www.npr.org/2014/12/19/371647099/norads-santa-tracker-began-with-a-typo-and-a-good-sport
  2. Audio version … http://storycorps.org/listen/terri-van-keuren-rick-shoup-and-pamela-farrell/

Imagination, pending on the substance, can be a wonderful, and redemptive, element of the human soul. 



Yuletide Man, ELUSIVE

The following post, rooted in my imagination, should not be taken literally.  Imagination has always been a highly valued resource for me.  As I become older, I try to remember to practice that imagination.   ‘Hope you enjoy.  And, have a stellar Christmas.

Rare glimpses. 

His appearance changes, and there are some odd theories out there, about … where … the man might be, at any given time.  Steven Wright’s theory: 

Yuletide Man: a man, a healthy girth, covers much ground, much air space (without being shot down), undeniably a mysterious man.

Below left: image from satellite of the SOC (Santa’s Operation Center).  Below right: sketching of Santa Claus from a confidential source.

Santa Clause / http://www.flickr.com/photos/walkadog/3794092024/
Possible location where Santa Clause resides and works / http://www.kriss-kringle.com






Yuletide Man: a man, a healthy girth, covers much ground, much air space (without being shot down), undeniably a mysterious man.  

Visionary, a hope agent, an “other-centered” man; a logistical-minded man, a genius, this  “Santa Claus”.

His has organized a system for the storage of multitudes of gifts, the movement from storage to the loading docks, distribution plans … all of this is amazing.  

A report from a confidential source, classified, slipped through the cracks back in the late nineties, made its way to my desk, with the request to burn the report as soon as possible.  I will get around to that, eventually.  The polar regions (North and South) have always been monitored carefully: some men  / women are about keeping the North Pole safe, a neutral place, where Santa can work; and others are interested in claiming the north pole for strategic purposes, with some degree of ill intent on their minds.    

I attempted to do some research on the security protocols for keeping SOC (Santa’s Operations Center) safe.  A few days after I began my research, the dogs started barking, and I knew we had visitors.  I opened the front door to see a group of ominous looking vehicles: two black vans, with men dressed like SWAT – guys coming out, guns drawn; and three SUVs with running lights on the top.  Long story short: I was asked in depth, about my interest in the security protocols with the North Pole.  I was told that this information is classified to protect Santa Clause and the work he is doing, year round. 

Indeed, the man is truly elusive; not only the man but the work that goes on there.  When NORAD’s Santa Tracker emerged, I experienced some degree of relief, knowing that there are people tracking with SOC.  That link, by the way, is: http://www.noradsanta.org/