One Year Later … I Still Want To Be Like My Dad

Yesterday, Saturday the 24th, I wrote this post … but was unable to send it until today.

*

Today, I pushed something away, something of importance.  Then I brought it back in, embraced it.  A year ago, my Dad finished his race, crossing the line into the Place where most of us will go, when we are finished here, a place where we don’t suffer anymore, and we are joyous beyond our comprehension. I know that place as Heaven.  It was the day my Dad died that I wrote a short tribute. https://t7danieldavis.wordpress.com/…/06/24/dad-man-a-trib…/

Image result for Images old soldiers laughing
http://medicinthegreentime.com/war-jokes-no-laughing-matter/

I have great confidence, he is happier than ever.  No pain.  I envision him sitting with countless individuals from the War, especially in the South Pacific, swapping stories of the good memories … only the good memories.  *NOTE: my dad is not in this picture.  But it reminds me of my dad, laughing.

Dad  was a golfer.  I get these images in my mind of beautiful fairways and greens, Dad hitting the ball well, avoiding the rough.  The weather is good, not too hot, slight breeze, the sun peeking out from time to time.

Related image

It is good to remember: but what I remember, and  how I remember, is important.  Letting people, and my stuff, go as I put one foot in front of the other; as I make my efforts to love well, and grieve well; as I laugh when those wonderful opportunities come … These also important, along with remembering.  I have taken a good look at different pieces of my life, over the past  year, and one of those is my selfishness.  Dad’s not suffering.  So, maybe I am more concerned about myself.  When someone I love goes, because it is his time to go, and because he wants to go, rewarded for his life with a place of unfathomable goodness …Shouldn’t I be happy for them?  And I am.  Truly I am.  Yet, I am sad because there were signficant things that I wish I would have told him … things that I failed to tell him.  I miss his presence, although his pain and his fatigue prevented him from actually being … fully … present.  I write about all this, even though the man moved on a year ago, because I am trying to connect with my “here-and-now”: how his life affected me and impacts me on this day, in the night, in the mornings.  I am considering what he taught me, that I can apply today, if I have the courage to do so. Lastly, I am considering the precious people who are in my life now … so that I can enjoy  them, now … and love them, now.

 

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8 Comments

  1. i had my own notion of grief. i thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love. and you had to push through it to get to the other side. but i’m learning there is no other side. there is no pushing through. but rather, there is an absorption. adjustment. acceptance. and grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure. grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself – an alteration of your being. a new way of seeing. a new definition of self.
    – quote by gwen flowers

    (i thought you would like this, i’m sorry for your loss, even now, a year later, beautiful post.)

    Like

    1. Most powerful quote, Beth. I assumed those were your words, until I saw that it was a quote from someone else. Beth, you need to write a book … seriously, no flattery. Go for it. But, I know that it is time consuming … You have a lot to say that is worthwhile. Later.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Yet, I am sad because there were signficant things that I wish I would have told him … things that I failed to tell him.”

    I know this feeling so well. Sending you light and healing vibes.

    Like

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