Hey, Guys … Got a Minute?

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A quick post for men, and women who care for them.

Man: a most complex creature, some say an endangered species; not endangered in the sense of becoming extinct, but in danger of losing his dreams, passion, wildness; or losing his way, his True North.

Some men keep certain areas off-limits, for the woman who loves him.  Some men have become completely “off-limits”: inaccessible; isolated; hiding.  Terrence Real’s book about male depression, carries a title with a real punch:


I Don’t Want To Talk About It.

He uses a term, “hidden depression “; not always recognizable. A depression that may come out sideways; a substance abuser, a cynic, a workaholic, an angry man.  I’ve been one of those men, who might say (to those who are reaching out to me) “I don’t want to talk about it.”  Translations are,

“I’m hiding”,

“I’m fine, so leave me alone.”,

“Are you writing a book?  Yeah? Then skip that chapter.”

Men, like women, have choices to make, every day; such as …  “How will I choose to live?”, “What will I do today, and how will I go about it?”.  And here is a big one.  Will I be fully alive, or will I numb the pain?  The former means taking risks; the latter is an easier approach, no risks.  A few more questions …

  1. Will I isolate?
  2. Will I choose to walk with some good men?
  3. Will I be known?
  4. Or, will be unknown?

True, men isolate because of betrayal, hurt, violated trust, shame, the belief that they are going to fail.  But what about the women who love them?  Just as men need women, women need men.  Where it gets a little complicated is with men who are so preoccupied with their own “stuff”, men who are selfish, men unwilling to love well, men who leave a woman behind, and alone.  That woman, does not need that man … a man who will not love her well, who will be absent, unwilling to share his heart, his pain, his glory, his kindness, his other-centeredness, his strength. Women need good men.  And men need good women.  Is is simple?  No, I don’t think so.  Is it important?  Oh, yeah.  Very important.  Let’s get back in the game, guys.

 

 

 

 

Healing in the Land of the Bullies

IMG_0946The storms, continuous. There are good days that have been very good days, a reminder that the storms do, in fact, blow over. Healing happens in the storms: injustice, hardships, pain.  Some people are like storms(!),( they bring chaos, frenzy, intensity. Others are like good days, bringing the sun, clarity, calm. There are unexplainable moments of beauty in the storms.  The dark storms come, without beauty: the bad stuff, people who want to make life hellish / difficult / cruel  … I feel bullied.  And, I try to remember: there is healing.  Healing in the land of the bullies.   IMG_0946  I am not a victim; I (we) have what it takes to do the next thing.  I’ve worked with kids, removed from the home because of the parents’ own style of bullying … sexual abuse and neglect. I think about people in Michigan, violently bullied by a man with a gun, illogical, brutal.  I recall images of people in Paris, running for safety, away from terrorists killing innocent citizens.  I think of bullies like cancer, Parkinson’s Disease; I think of bullies who target students in school; I think of corporations saturated with greed bullying American consumers; I think of women, men, harassed in the work place unmercifully.  Such a small list.  So, the healing … it is not just about me.  It cannot be just about me.  Yet, there are times when I get preoccupied with “self”, and I believe it is about me.  

When we are bullied by people we do business with; when we are bullied by life; the car that breaks down in route to a meeting; the depression that rears it’s ugly head, our joy sliding away … when those times happen, our anguish is real and legitimate, and we do need healing.  We need healing in the Land of the bullies.  And in that healing, we can sometimes see a little more than what … initially … meets the eye.

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