Going Back? Dialog Series #3

“Holiday, coming.  Are you heading southward, to see your folks?  You have some older brothers, there as well, eh?  And your parents?”

“Parents and my two brothers (a nod), down there, east of Dallas.”

Wood Stove
Wood Stove

Both men sat in the logged house, a small place, in chairs made of gnarled pine posts, smoothed from years of use and exposure to the wood stove heat.  Words were suspended in the air, transformed into vapor and memory.

“I am not going back . . . “

“It is a drive, isn’t it …. What, about 1200 miles?  Twenty-two hours?”

“If I drive straight through, its only about eighteen hours.  And, around 120o.”

“Boy, that is a bear of a trip.  So you’re not going to make it this year.”

“Naw.  I’m not going back.  Its one thing to pack up, load up, head out on a 1200 mile trip…  (pause) But, the trip … or the thought of the trip … is a metaphor for the struggle I’ve had for years: ‘going back’ to the lies I bought into, the l mistakes I’ve made in my life.  In that sense, I’m not going back, or backwards. ”

“So, why is it that we want to … ‘go back’?”

“For me, I think I go back to my past because it is easy, a path of processing that has very little resistance.  I know those apparitions.  I know my past.  I think that I can change it by  going there.  As for what is ahead, I don’t know it because I’ve never been there.  But I plan on going there, soon.”

“Yeah.   Me, too.  There is good stuff happening there.”

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Going Back? Dialog Series #3

    1. Here’s a thought: suppose you are a teacher, of young students … If you don’t spend energy worrying about the past, and if you spend your passion and vision and efforts to fully live the now, and if you model the hopefulness for what is ahead, then your students will be empowered to move forward. Otherwise, they (students) will suffer. So what do you think about my theory? Obviously I wasn’t thinking of anyone in particular (or was I?) …. Hey, hope Thanksgiving was stellar.

      Like

  1. Hey T- I really like your creativity and originality – and this one I read twice – and like your analogy a lo t- and I like how you elaborate on it. and some people do not need to “go back” because they are stuck in the past – ha! but it also had me thinking about literally going back for visits and how exhausting they can be – needed, but tiring. ha!

    lastly, loved this “Words were suspended in the air, transformed into vapor and memory…” could really feel that hot stove moment – 🙂

    Like

    1. There it is again, that “turbo-empowerment” thing, jetting across the blogosphere, blasting the Other Side of the Trees with light lasers (like from Star Wars) and joy-rays. Seriously, thank you Dr. Priorhouse for this immensely helpful feedback and kind words. I am blessed to know that you caught both pieces about “going back” … Talk to you later. I liked your latest post with the cool film clip.

      Like

  2. I think about going back all the time…back to when I was 20 & pregnant & not married & what the eff was I doing….and then I think about going back and reliving those early days of being a mom & not really embracing it & worrying I was sucking it up & complaining a lot because I was only effing 20. But then I look at my daughter today & she’s pretty cool & not effed up & I think, wow, maybe I don’t need to obsess about that stuff anymore. But I still do miss it. Warts & all. Time is very weird & scary. I loved this post, T. Sorry for the novel I just typed. You really got me thinking.

    Like

    1. Hey, my friend … fellow writer and fellow sojourner / adventurer Bodeker … Your words, thoughts, I have read several times, and I am humbled that out my brokenness (the brokenness of some writers?) I threw some words out on the blog-white, and someone actually connected with what I was trying to communicate. Your story is so, so, powerful … so redemptive, and such a beautiful gift that I do not deserve, but a gift I honor. Thanks for releasing some of your true story, one of both hope and one of courageous vision. You said ” … and then I think about going back and reliving those early days of being a mom & not really embracing it & worrying I was sucking it up & complaining a lot because I was only effing 20.” Yeah, that’s it. And I want to quote you one more time: “& I think, wow, maybe I don’t need to obsess about that stuff anymore. But I still do miss it. Warts & all.” This type of community among certain writers … this is a big reason I blog. I never saw it coming when I started. So, don’t stop writing, Bodeker … don’t stop letting others read what you write … don’t stop cherishing your daughter (I know that you won’t stop cherishing your daughter) … Okay, to use your words “Sorry for the novel …” HA ! Peace, big time, to you.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s