Thankful, yes; the joy intense, like heat, like sun … and the joy, so intense / hot / bright actually drives me away from glory, into a hiding place … driving me away from where He wants me to be.
How can joy drive me away? There is a desire to sabotage, to bring it down, when we are supposed to be up, and connected, and present. Yeah, the desire to sabotage strangely stirs. Maybe it is the message from somewhere, someone, that this is all too good for me. Yes, that one lie that goes something like this:
YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS, LOSER
So, I hide, I howl, I hurt, I hoof it out of town, and hole-up somewhere.
But He watches on (ever watching); He continues (Alpha, Omega) to battle, to provide (“No Fear, Bro”) …
He loves (Great Lover) … And He will be. He will be here. He will be there, on the Other Side of the Trees.